I'm ready to take the chance again and I have a date tomorrow night after a long, long winter without anyone and having my heart totally broken. I am really excited about it if i am being honest; the guy is really nice, we seem to have things in common what I can tell so far and he makes me smile-like that. So, my sister (first thing) was like "So, do you think you could have a future with this guy?". REALLY?!?! To be honest I wasn't even thinking about that, it didn't even cross my mind! I am really just looking forward to going out, talking, getting to know each other, just having a nice time. Is it because i am in my 30's & not married that everyone thinks every date at this point has to go "somewhere" ???

this post is not about anyone specifically. just been sitting around thinking about another year that has gone by! this has been the worst & best year i have ever had; my children had big school years (1 in high school & 1 in kindergarten), i lost my home, i met great friends, i've feel in love, suffered a great deal, done things i am not proud of, helped a friend in need. many more things, both good & bad! but the one thing i am thinking about once again as the year comes to an end is how much i really miss having someone to love. there are so many things i miss about just having someone, a partner, a friend, a lover, an everything.

i miss: holding hands, just kissing, kisses on my forehead, just watching him from across the room until he finally realizes that i am looking at him doing nothing, smiling, touching, hugging, being lazy together, going to my favorite stores together, going to his favorite stores together, eating good food together, napping together in the afternoon, listening to him breath in the middle of the night when i should be asleep but i can't stop staring at him, writing him lil love notes just because, listening when he needs someone too, leaving him alone when he needs that eve more, having someone to listen to me when i need someone too, being there for each other no matter what, struggling together and making it through, watching sports together on saturday and sunday, hanging out on most weekends, making him coffee & breakfast in the morning, ironing his clothes, having him sneak home from work for lunch & me, cooking him dinner, making him feel like the king of the world, letting him know there is no other man for me, dancing for him naked, talking dirty to each other on the phone, having phone sex, having lots of hot sex, doing anything he wants me to, doing his laundry, having someone to come home to after a long day at work, phonecalls during the day, letting him know someone is always there for him, loving him, worshiping him, carrying his picture around to look at and kiss when i miss him, having someone to wipe away my tears, wiping away his tears, cheering him up when he is sad, keeping a nice home he can be proud of & love to come home to, making each holiday better than the last, saving lil things from places we've been, going fun places together, hanging out in the sun, hanging out at the beach, hanging out, just laughing, having someone to talk to, having someone to go to for advice, listening to his opinions, listening to all of his hopes & dreams, loving him more than life itself.

no matter what i will never change who i am; i am still a hopeless romantic no matter what the men i've been with have done to me or what i've been through. i will never give up on finding that someone one day.

I don't know what it is but lately i have been atracting only shy guys. Not like oh, it's cute kind of shy but annoying i can't even look at you when i talk to you shy. I almost had a date tonight but this guy Joe but he is so shy it took him 1 week to call me, 2 weeks to ask me out, 1 more week to tell me when the date was gonna be & 1 more week for me to tell him... GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!! This whole process wore me out even before anything happened. I mean this guy couldn't even look at me when we talked... it freaked me out. Oh well, i tried! YOU'RE TOO SHY DUDE!!